So I've finally taken the GRE. And it was an interesting journey; I hope you find it amusing and thought provoking.

A few words to those of you lucky enough not to have to travel much to take the GRE: you're lucky. Me, here in India, it's a little different. The nearest GRE testing center is just 2.5 hours away, if traffic permits.

I set the alarm (or set my room-mate's alarm) for 4:40 AM, went to bed around 10PM, and got up at 2 this morning. Too early. But I couldn't really get back to sleep until around 4:10, and by that time I knew it was time... So when the alarm finally did ring, I jumped (read stumbled) into the shower, took a bath, and called my classmate who was writing his GRE with me, to ask what was up. We were to meet at the nearest bus stop (about 10 minutes walk for both of us) at 5:10. It was pouring rain, however, the Gods were benign: the night before, my Mom had the foresight to equip me with an umbrella, so I was prepared.

I called Mom, let her know that I was off, and struck out, mounted the bridge, and walked through the dark road, dodging puddles (ponds?), finally reaching the bus stand. The bus was already there, engine silent, waiting to begin it's journey. As I climbed into the bus, the engine coughed awake. My friend had just reached and was shaking rain from his umbrella. GRE Journey Stage One, and we had both just made it.

We took the bus North to Kayamkulam, the nearest train station (well, not quite the nearest, but the trains that we were shooting for didn't stop anywhere closer such as Karunagappally or Oachira). Disembarking at the bus stand, it was pitch dark and pouring rain. We took an autorickshaw to the train station. At the train station, we purchased two tickets, and were informed that the train just pulling out ("See the end of it there?") was going South - our way. Oh well, we had time, so we sat and revised our vocabulary, pulling words from the various word-lists that litter the GRE landscape like confetti.

Now, I've never understood those cartoons showing a guy in the library laughing uproariously over the dictionary - I've always found a good lexicon both edifying and entertaining. The funniest part about that cartoon, is that other people just don't understand. People think it's funny that he's amused by the dictionary, and that's the funny part. They don't actually think that a dictionary could be funny! But anyway. Enough of my ramblings.

So we got the next train, and were lucky enough to get seats, which we held on to all the way to Trivandrum. At a little after 9AM, we stepped off the train, flowed with the crowd out of the station, and then had the rare cerebration that we should plan for our return. I already knew from reports that it would be impossible for us to get our return tickets at the time of returning, so why not buy them now? The guy at the ticket counter had no problem, so we bought our return trip, and headed across the street to the Indian Coffee House.

This Indian Coffee House is architecturally very interesting. You have to see it to know what I mean. They have good porotta and egg curry too.

After our morning repast, we set our bearings for the examination center. It was still way too early, just after 10AM, but better know where it is to be safe, no? We found it without trouble, the directions printed on your confirmation paper are pretty accurate, if you follow them (which is just what the GRE is all about: following directions). The security guy asked us to report back at 12:30 for our 1PM exam.

Back outside the building, we sat at some empty outdoor chairs of a restaurant that mercifully remained closed for the duration of our tenancy. We bandied about words, did archana, took a walk, then waited in the parking lot for about 20 minutes observing and talking motorbikes. A little before 12:30, we enter the examination center, on the 2nd floor of the building.

The first thing we were asked to do was present our ID (our passports) and our confirmation printout. In India, you MUST have a passport to take your GRE. No if's, but's, and's or anything else's. We complied, and the security guy gave us a clipboard with a sheet of ETS rules for us to read and agree with. He then gave us the keys to our cubbyholes, and had us sign in the register.

The next step was down the hall, where we emptied our pockets, got rid of everything except our passport, and locked it all away in the cubbyhole. Everything. No pens, no wallets, no keys (except your cubbyhole key), no paper, no handkerchiefs, no pictures, nothing can go with you into the examination hall. There was also a very comprehensive non-disclosure agreement that we read, wrote, signed, dated, and submitted. So alas, I will not be able to tell you what they asked me, even if I manage to remember...

Once thats all done, your ready to test. I went to the bathroom for last minute relief, and my friend was called in. I came out of the bathroom, and wondered where he'd gone! In due course, I was called in to write... no sorry... to stage 3 of the check in.

At stage three, I sat in a nice chair in the control room for the little examination hall. One screen showed live video feeds from each exam station (6 in all). Another had a list of people's names, with their current status, etc. My name was there, as was my friend's. Mine, however, had a big question mark next to it!

The lady there asked me a few questions, asked for my passport, had me verify my name in ETS's system, and finally used a (IMHO, very cruddy) web cam to take a distorted picture of me, which was uploaded to my ETS account instantly, and my name's question mark changed into something else.

Once she'd allocated me a system, she explained the in-and-out procedure: your allowed to exit the examination hall at any time to use the toilet, to get some water, etc. You just have to sign out and sign in on a sheet of paper. Your signatures must match, and you must present your ID every time you enter. No sweat. This is the first time I've ever been told that I may exit and enter the exam hall at will!

So now it was time. I was escorted to my computer, given a pad of yellow scratch paper, two pencils, one eraser. At this time, I really didn't know what to do. I was still a little nervous, so with no little trepidation, put my hand on the mouse and clicked "next". This brought me into a little tutorial for the computer illiterate. My advice: you may be a computer whiz, you may have practiced with ETS's PowerPrep software, you may have taken the GRE ten times in the last two months (well, no, the last one's not possible), but go through this tutorial anyway. It will get you used to reading from the screen, and more comfortable with the setup. By the time you've finished the tutorial, you will be acclimatized to the AC, the mouse tracking speed (little fast for my comfort), the size of the text on the screen, etc. You will be a little more relaxed, too.

So I went through the whole arcane little tutorial. The next part asked if I wanted ETS to try and match me up with some grad schools. Well, why not. So it asks for a bunch of personal information, and I gave it, and that was that.

Then I was finally on to the actual test. The first part was, predictably, Analytical Writing. I had a choice of two topics, chose the first, and wrote prolifically (and, I hope, lucidly). I choose neither for nor against, but decided to rephrase the topic given, and give my reasons for the new phrasing. I was lucky in that the topic was something that I could relate to.

Part two of round 1 is the argument essay: have your argument and take it apart too. I got my statement, took it apart to piecemeal, then put it together again. I expect a 5 overall. My advice here:

1. Find the "Conclusion" of the statement.
2. Find the most direct reason "Why" they have made that conclusion.
3. Find, fabricate, or invent assumptions that the author has made in jumping from the reason to the conclusion.
4. Nit-pick and trash every assumption.
5. State how the argument can be made better (what evidence should be included, etc).
6. Conclude by echoing all of the above.

It works. Really.

After this, you're already about 1.25 hours into the exam, but you don't know it since you don't have a watch, and there is no clock in sight. The system gave me the option to take a 10 minute break, so I did, went, had some water, and came back. Mostly just for the joy of doing so, but still.

I got the quantitative aptitude first. It wasn't hard, except that they kept trying to trick me by asking for per 1,000, when the information given is in per 100,000, etc. Some questions, including one in the beginning, were ridiculous. I see no way to solve it except via bionic brain implants.

The next section I got was verbal. Piece of cake, I thought. But it's not. I'm pretty sure I got the 3rd question way wrong, and I really just chose my favorite letter for a few of them. That's how it goes. First logic, then process of elimination, then prayer, divination, and random clicks. Many of the words I didn't recognize. All those lists came 99.9% to no avail.

Now, all the books (including a "2010 Edition" Princeton Review) say that you will get three sections, and one of them is experimental. One each of verbal and quantitative, and one extra of either one. But that didn't happen to me or my friend. Instead, to my pleasant surprise, I found myself staring at a screen asking me if I would please allow ETS to exploit me by writing another essay for the gossamer chance to be one among 100 people who will get $250 in the mail "in a few months". OK, I did, partly because I wasn't sure it was over so fast, and partly because I liked the sound of a quarter grand ;) But the bottom line is, there is no experimental section. At least, not on the 23rd of September, 2009.

Finally, I get my scores! No wait, I have to be sure that I do NOT want to cancel (why would I go through all this trouble to just cancel it all?). And then I have to do it again. I mean, I've heard and read all about opt-out, but I don't really think this is the place that it's supposed to be implemented. But if you make it this far, you get your scores. Mine were ok (1410), but my friend didn't do as well. It will come in the mail later, that's more important.

EDIT: You are not allowed to take anything OUT of the exam hall either, so we had to rely on our tired brains to remember our scores. When they finally came in the mail, it turned out that I'd scored 1460.

The last part is choosing where you want to send your four free copies of your scores - which school. Now how do you find your school? Here's the information that no-body ever seems to tell anyone:

1. You need:
* The state that the school is in.
* The name of the school
* The department to which you are applying (not always though).
* Some uncannily common sense.
2. You choose the state.
3. Then you find the school.
4. Then you choose the department, if applicable, and click "Save selection".
5. For i = 1 to 4, repeat.

Finding the school's exact address, GRE institution code (yes they do have such a thing), names of contact people, is all futile, and fruitless. All you need are the state and the name. Then you have to guess which entry (Stanford had two entries, Harvard had about six) to choose. I choose the entry with "GRAD" somewhere nearby. I'm sure that the school can sort it out if it's not the right destination. Another thing, you must remember the info by heart, as nothing except your passport is allowed to go with you to the computer.

One exception: if one of your favored institutions does NOT figure in ETS's lists, you can (so they say) fill out a form to have the scores sent there after the exam. In this case, you probably do need the full address of the Admissions office, and perhaps more information. This didn't happen to me, though.

Finally, you finish, get up, sign out, collect your stuff, sign out again, and are free. Get used to the hot weather, because the AC is very effective.

We emerged around 4:20PM. We went back to the train station, and sat in the first train that we could find going our way. It finally left around 5:20. Now it was getting late, and we were tired, and we were thinking how we were going to get back: take the train to Kayankulam, take a bus to Vavakavu, then take a rickshaw back. But come Karunagappally station, the train slowed quite a bit, so we fought our way to the door, prepared to jump if it slowed sufficiently. It didn't and so we were stuck by the door till Kayankulam, or were we? Just 20 meters out of the Oachira station, the train DID stop, so in all of 10 seconds, we hopped out. It was now around 7:20 pm, and already dark. What luck! Some sign somewhere told my friend that the highway was only about 100 meters away, but it was only till about 20 minutes of walking later that we found ourselves in the heart of Oachira. As we walked towards the bus stand, we saw a bus bound for the Amrita Sethu pulling around the corner, chased it, caught it, and got the bus home. Talk about timing!

We finally reached Vallikavu around 8PM. I learned that Mom had several people praying for my results, so I must admit to having had this extra help! Thank you all for your prayers!

So that's it. I hope this helps my fellow GRE takers!